“I am perplexed” – the apocryphal last words of Uncle Al, long since debunked
“I am not certain”. The first four words of Roger Zelazny’s ‘Madwand’ and a resting default state for many of us at multiple times of our lives. There is no shade or shame in this liminal state, it has a purpose, a disquiet that is meant to foster deliberation and tip us towards action.
Experience teaches us that certainty is rare and not always positive. The certainty of death, of the creep of entropy. In the case of Zelazny’s novel it is a foreshadowing plot point that the disembodied, amnesiac narrator lacks knowing their purpose.
Part of our expectations is that the purpose, our True Will, is simple and clear. We remove the sword from the stone and unite the Kingdom against the invaders. We rescue the sex object from confinement. Elon makes all the money so Daddy finally loves him.
The honest truth is that we will never not come back to uncertainty. Our True Will is an evolving process to be experienced, not a simple quest with a definitive ending. The rescued royal is not always the best choice for a life partner.
“I am uncertain” is a statement of Now, announcing the subsequent deliberation and action. It should even be said with certainty.
